Hiding behind a mask

Masks are unfortunately indispensable today because of the ongoing pandemic. I for one, have been doning a N95 mask in my own house for the past couple of days after I tested positive for the virus, to keep my loved ones safe. 

Over here, I am not merely talking about the physical mask, which is now available in different designs and colours to meet every whim and fancy, but of a non-physical mask that we don from time to time. With the advent of Instagram and a million other similar applications, tweaking one's looks or rather photographs has become a breeze. What we see online may have been filtered to how one would like oneself to be perceived by the world.

Technological advancements aside, the plastic surgery business has blossomed over the decades. I call it a business because it is very similar to luring customers to buy products, in this case modifications to their bodies. Some estimates suggest that one in three South Korean women between 19 and 29 have had plastic surgery while others estimate it to be one in two women. Common procedures include blepharoplasty, where they insert a crease in the eyelid to make it look bigger, rhinoplasties or nose jobs as well as glutathione injections to give people a fairer skin tone. All this for what? To meet some human-defined ideas of what 'ideal' beauty looks like. This drives millions to modify what is God-given and create other versions of themselves that fit in with societal norms.

The past has seen its share of body modifications from scarification (cutting or permanently burning designs into the flesh), tongue-splitting, dermal implants, neck extensions, foot binding and the list goes on. 

Are these not similar to wearing masks over who we truly are? Are we not hiding underneath a fake exterior and becoming someone who we are not? WHY do we need these masks? The world has become one big masquerade ball.

It all boils down to expectations. The expectations that we think society has of people, the expectations that people have of other people and the expectations that we have for ourselves. If we stop thinking about who we are on the outside and internalise who we really are within, we will stop trying to critically analyse our bodies and who we want to be seen as. Instead, focus on the soul, the mind and the inner you. Throw those external masks away and let yourself be seen as you are. The radiance and glow will come from within, without the aid of those glutathione injections. 

Gratitude

Life has its bumps and setbacks and I for one have seen quite a few - the passing of my grandma and father in 2015 in one of the major downturns in the narrative of my life. That being said, I have a deep sense of gratitude for many things. A happy, healthy family is one of my greatest blessings. Two beautiful daughters (inside and outside) who call me mum, a husband who is supportive of my spiritual endeavours as well as my career and hobbies, my mother and my in-laws.

There is much to be grateful for on a daily basis, even though life is hardly a bed of roses. Very often, what throws us back from gratitude is being blinded by things that we yearn for - things that we THINK we need. Apart from the greed of material possessions, which never seem enough, we get blinded by the expectations that we set for others and the expectations of how each and every moment should be. We start thinking we can control what happens around us and how others react - like puppets on strings - but this is all a facade.

We start judging the moment as well as the people around us, when in reality, life unfolds itself as one large narrative that starts at the cradle and ends with our last breath. Why judge the moment and why hold such high expectations of others as though we have any control over how life pans out. We are simply digging potholes for ourselves. We can only do what we can and the outcome is not in our hands. Instead, we need to embrace the moment and experience moments and people as they come and go, without requiring them to be perfect by our own expectations.

Take everything with a pinch of salt (and pepper or paprika) and enjoy the ride. There are bound to be obstacles or bumps along the way but if we choose to see them as steps on the ladder of spiritual growth, then we will be grateful even for the setbacks.

Gratitude is essentially what everything boils down to, because gratitude also encompasses acceptance. Acceptance of the situation and acceptance of the people in our lives. Both, as they are.

Motherhood

It has been ages since I last posted on my blog and much has transpired from then till now. For one, I have been reborn as a mother (twice) in the year 2015 and 2020. I have two beautiful daughters by the names of Ananya and Anushka and I watch them grow daily. My first born showed me how much love the heart can be filled with and how it can expand beyond its capacity (if there ever is any) and my second born taught me how to multiply that love infinite times instead of dividing it. Boy oh boy, what a journey it has been and the journey has just begun.

Motherhood is truly a defining moment in a woman's life. There can be many defining moments - getting promoted, becoming the president of a country or even building one's own enterprise, but motherhood is something that defines you not for a moment, but for LIFE. Life is transformed when you make decisions not merely for yourself or for your husband but for your mini family and for human beings who are completely dependent on you. Teaching them values, life skills and basic reading and writing is just part of the package together with character development and lots more! The list goes on and on and there is simply no manual or protocol to a child - even the first and second born child can be vastly different and function in different ways.

Each child comes with their own unique personality, I believe from their past deeds in their past lives and we learn how to manage around their innate personalities while weaving in good habits, values and character. This becomes a lifelong journey and a lifelong task and its constantly a work in progress - both for the child as well as for my development as a mother.

Ananya has been an absolute blessing - she is a vivacious child, who is filled with her own unique ideas and loves to solve problems and think out of the box. She loves to do artwork and can turn any recyclable material into her own piece of art. Ananya is compassionate and surprises me with her genuine care and concern for the people around her. She often shows maturity beyond her age and I am so proud of her. No words can describe how I feel about her! 

In any case, my heart has definitely expanded manifold and watching my own flesh and blood growing in front of my eyes makes the pain of labour and the sleepless nights worthwhile! Motherhood cannot be compared with any profession or occupation - it stands on its own and is the most beautiful experience to have. That being said, every mother provides the best for her child and there is simply no comparison with another. 

The first cry of a child

gives birth to a mother

It is a moment of joy and a moment of wonder,

a moment like none other.

The child coos and babbles

in an attempt to communicate,

he or she adapts to the world outside the womb,

a beauty only God can create.

The mother grows together with the child,

learning the ropes and tricks,

She builds the strong foundation of the child,

with love and by carefully placing brick after brick.

Once the foundation is created,

the child grows and develops,

but no matter how old the child gets,

a mother is with him or her through life's bends and slopes.

I big salute to all mothers out there! You are a super human and the best care that your child can get!

The river

It is normal for us as human beings to respond to situations with emotions. When we get slapped in the face, for instance, the urge to return the slap arises almost instantly. Our logical reasoning skills plummet and our rational mind becomes fuzzy. When we act on impulse, a domino ensues where one thing leads to another and strains relationships, our health deteriorates or we lose our mind. This sort of response is highly likely to occur if we live life in a past-paced environment where we do not have time to quieten our mind and think to ourselves. We disregard the fact that we are ultimately human beings and not robots who do not need a break to cleanse ourselves from within. It is then that these negative emotions we exude on a daily basis form an overall negative thinking progress and ultimately a foul attitude towards life and others. We fail to realise that it is in fact ourselves who create this negative nature through repetitive negative thinking.

If we try to slow down our pace of life and take out some time for internalization, this situation can improve significantly. Slowing down means our reaction time gets lengthened and we react on impulse much less. Slowly but surely, the mind starts to take in the situation before us and thinks before we act or speak. It is a gradual process that comes from training the mind through meditation or simply giving some time to ourselves to process information. As this thought process sets in, we start to accept any given situation and think of a logical, practical solution. This is synonymous to two contestants in a boxing, sumo-wrestling or judo competition - they shake hands or bow to each other before engaging in combat. Similarly, if we 'shake hands' with our problems or a situation causing distress, we would be able to gauge it better and we would better know how to handle it as well. That is, without causing any explosion. An explosion would not only hurt the opposite party but us as well; something which we tend to overlook.

Ultimately, we need to remember that life is like a river. Sometimes it flows slowly, sometimes it flows faster; sometimes it dries up while at other times it overflows. Trying to change any given situation and using the 5 W's and 1 H to analyse it is like attempting to dam the river and control it. If we do this, there would be a pressure build-up on the other side, which would cause our health to deteriorate from stress or even create tensions in relationships. 

On the other hand, if we flow with the river, that would lead to us compromising on ourselves. For instance, if someone slaps us, we end up slapping them back. That would be like flowing with the river and thinking that that is the accepted mode of conduct. Similarly, if one thinks that their emotions are valid in a certain situation and stay attached to negative emotions such as hurt or distress, that would be like flowing with the river as well (i.e. letting the situation control you).

The best solution would be to plant our feet firmly in the same position while letting the situation wash past us. In this process, we come into contact with the situation, acknowledge it, accept it and think of a solution so that we can overcome it. In this scenario, we neither try to change the situation nor let it control us.

We stay rooted to the soil and emerge as a lotus from the river.

The Treasures

I am blessed to have people in my life who have never weighed my love, nor questioned my intentions. My friends, my family and now my husband - these people make me complete and enhance the person that I am. They reminded me throughout everything, that I should stop punishing myself for things I cannot change. They reminded me that I deserve to be loved and picked me up when I had fallen. They made me realize that I am strong and brave and have been all along. When I get lost, they act as direction signs to get me back to who I am. This is all because God made it so - He makes sure we go along the right path and sends signals to show that.

If we look long and hard enough, we will come to realize that the answers we look for, are inside us and either loved ones, our own efforts to look inside ourselves or the course of time will bring them out.

I recently read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is a remarkable tale of a young shepherd who has a recurring dream about buried treasures near the Egyptian pyramids. In pursuit of these treasures, he sets off and meets several people along the way who 'guide' him towards the pyramids. Each time, he is faced with stages where he needs to make decisions - whether to sell his sheep, whether to split the treasure, whether to give up and return and so forth. The thoughts are never-ending, but he follows his heart nonetheless. He even sells his beloved sheep. Eventually he reaches the destination, only to discover that his treasures are hidden where he first started off.

This tale spins a truthful picture of how life is in reality. We are sent down to earth with the answers already embedded in each of us and slowly but surely the problems we need to face unravel. But it is a necessary journey - we need to face these and we need to make difficult decisions and take risks along the way to gain that ultimate realization. There is no easy way out. Along the way, one will be judged, ridiculed, misunderstood or slammed down, but those are just tests. We need to focus on our ultimate goal and with a clean conscience and we will reach it as long as we follow our heart (or gut). The journey is to teach us lessons and with each step we will only get closer to God, so that we realize that the treasure was with us all along.

God will see to it and God will catch us when we fall,

and then sudden realization will strike, that we had the answers after all.

Some things are not for sale.

It was a powerful image – a simple action, yet it spoke a million thundering words. The boy – could not be older than four – spat on his palm and then smoothed it over his palms before applying his spit over the desiccated skin on his feet. It was the winter season and it does not help that the humidity of the air had plummeted, subjecting human skin to drying – that is if unprotected by moisturisers and other skin products. This boy had none of such products to protect his skin from the harsh nature of a dry winter. He used what he did have – what God gifted upon us – the human body. But in spite of such conditions, he seemed content.

On the other side of the road lay miles and miles of closely packed huts made of scrap metal, twigs and even flapping pieces of cloth. These slums, mostly illegal, house thousands of people in a small space, leaving each person to approximately a metre-square of space. But one thing, almost misfitting, was the smile on their faces. I turned my face and noticed a passer by, yielding a briefcase and suited-up probably for a meeting, typing on his handheld device with a frown upon his face. Right next to him a man carries a parcel of laundry on his head and smiles at a fellow slum dweller and gives the friendly Indian head wiggle.

Are those who have less material possessions truly the less fortunate? This question pops into my head. I gather images I have seen throughout my life – from village-settings to city-settings and start mentally comparing and contrasting these situations and images. Every thought points to the same answer – material possessions and wealth are not necessarily tied to happiness. Yes, money buys you luxury items and good healthcare, lodgings, food and fulfils every possible desire. But money cannot buy certain intangibles – love, trust, smiles and basically positive affect. It does not necessarily go hand in hand. In fact, the more people have, the less easily satisfied they become and the greater the expectations become of luxury. Definitions morph, priorities change and people start living hollow lives, if they let material possessions get a grip of them.

Then my mind drifted again – perhaps it is not just the money. It becomes a survival of the fittest. City dwellers are so busy climbing ahead of each other that they forget the essence of camaraderie. I have stayed in a village setting or in rural remote areas prior to this and have noticed that people live as a community, not as an individual. Their definition of brothers and sisters is not limited to the four corners of their house but beyond, to the people in houses next to them and basically the entire community. They live as a whole breathing, laughing, loving unit. They may have a dollar note in their pocket instead of wads of thousand dollar notes but they have priceless emotions in their hearts. Their eyes swim with tears of joys rather than hurt and sadness. So who is truly less fortunate here?

Ultimately, no matter which part of the globe we are at or our status of living, we should remind ourselves that we are breathing, feeling humans who are born the same as everyone else. We enter this world with nothing and leave with nothing. We can garner one simple thought on a daily basis which will make miles of a difference in the way we live life – be appreciative for what you have. Always remember that we were all born the same and no one is ‘less fortunate’ than the other. God gives everyone equally – some may attain wealth while others attain unconditional love. Whatever it is, we leave this world with nothing but our deeds – so love your brothers and sisters beyond the four corners of your home. Love cannot be charged to your credit card.

The scales.

When yogis speak of chakras there is always mention of a balance of our energy points. For instance, over-stimulation of our Anahata chakra leads to ego, pride and selfishness. Under-stimulation on the other hand leads to thoughts of hopelessness and despair, while a balance leads to the desired outcome of love, empathy, selflessness and devotion. On a similar note, our body's physiological mechanisms  also revolve around achieving a balance be it controlling our blood glucose content or hormonal secretions. Balancing negatives with positives, yin versus yang; the list goes on.

How much does this balancing act relate to events in our daily life, however? We are often in a limbo between negatives and positive situations in life and whether we choose to gravitate towards the positive end or the negative end of emotions is ultimately up to us. Striking a balance and meeting mid-way is often the way most people go, but to gravitate towards a positive mind-set in spite of being faced with hardships is ultimately the desired outcome. This takes an immense amount of courage and patience as well as faith in God that everything that happens is for the better.

The perspective we choose to garner has a significant impact on whether we choose to smile and welcome whatever knocks on our doors with open arms or frown, sulk or blame ourself or others instead. The former gives us strength like none other to face the negatives, with the knowledge that ultimately the scales will tip in the favour of a positive situation. There is always a silver lining in every cloud and that silver lining is something we may not realize until the time comes. Till then, we should believe that life is a balancing act and we alone can decide which direction to tip the scale in at the end of the day. After all, our perspectives carry a large amount of weight! Our happiness and peace of mind is ultimately in our hands, not in the hands of others or the situation; faith in God goes a long way in ensuring that.