Hiding behind a mask

Masks are unfortunately indispensable today because of the ongoing pandemic. I for one, have been doning a N95 mask in my own house for the past couple of days after I tested positive for the virus, to keep my loved ones safe. 

Over here, I am not merely talking about the physical mask, which is now available in different designs and colours to meet every whim and fancy, but of a non-physical mask that we don from time to time. With the advent of Instagram and a million other similar applications, tweaking one's looks or rather photographs has become a breeze. What we see online may have been filtered to how one would like oneself to be perceived by the world.

Technological advancements aside, the plastic surgery business has blossomed over the decades. I call it a business because it is very similar to luring customers to buy products, in this case modifications to their bodies. Some estimates suggest that one in three South Korean women between 19 and 29 have had plastic surgery while others estimate it to be one in two women. Common procedures include blepharoplasty, where they insert a crease in the eyelid to make it look bigger, rhinoplasties or nose jobs as well as glutathione injections to give people a fairer skin tone. All this for what? To meet some human-defined ideas of what 'ideal' beauty looks like. This drives millions to modify what is God-given and create other versions of themselves that fit in with societal norms.

The past has seen its share of body modifications from scarification (cutting or permanently burning designs into the flesh), tongue-splitting, dermal implants, neck extensions, foot binding and the list goes on. 

Are these not similar to wearing masks over who we truly are? Are we not hiding underneath a fake exterior and becoming someone who we are not? WHY do we need these masks? The world has become one big masquerade ball.

It all boils down to expectations. The expectations that we think society has of people, the expectations that people have of other people and the expectations that we have for ourselves. If we stop thinking about who we are on the outside and internalise who we really are within, we will stop trying to critically analyse our bodies and who we want to be seen as. Instead, focus on the soul, the mind and the inner you. Throw those external masks away and let yourself be seen as you are. The radiance and glow will come from within, without the aid of those glutathione injections. 

Gratitude

Life has its bumps and setbacks and I for one have seen quite a few - the passing of my grandma and father in 2015 in one of the major downturns in the narrative of my life. That being said, I have a deep sense of gratitude for many things. A happy, healthy family is one of my greatest blessings. Two beautiful daughters (inside and outside) who call me mum, a husband who is supportive of my spiritual endeavours as well as my career and hobbies, my mother and my in-laws.

There is much to be grateful for on a daily basis, even though life is hardly a bed of roses. Very often, what throws us back from gratitude is being blinded by things that we yearn for - things that we THINK we need. Apart from the greed of material possessions, which never seem enough, we get blinded by the expectations that we set for others and the expectations of how each and every moment should be. We start thinking we can control what happens around us and how others react - like puppets on strings - but this is all a facade.

We start judging the moment as well as the people around us, when in reality, life unfolds itself as one large narrative that starts at the cradle and ends with our last breath. Why judge the moment and why hold such high expectations of others as though we have any control over how life pans out. We are simply digging potholes for ourselves. We can only do what we can and the outcome is not in our hands. Instead, we need to embrace the moment and experience moments and people as they come and go, without requiring them to be perfect by our own expectations.

Take everything with a pinch of salt (and pepper or paprika) and enjoy the ride. There are bound to be obstacles or bumps along the way but if we choose to see them as steps on the ladder of spiritual growth, then we will be grateful even for the setbacks.

Gratitude is essentially what everything boils down to, because gratitude also encompasses acceptance. Acceptance of the situation and acceptance of the people in our lives. Both, as they are.

Motherhood

It has been ages since I last posted on my blog and much has transpired from then till now. For one, I have been reborn as a mother (twice) in the year 2015 and 2020. I have two beautiful daughters by the names of Ananya and Anushka and I watch them grow daily. My first born showed me how much love the heart can be filled with and how it can expand beyond its capacity (if there ever is any) and my second born taught me how to multiply that love infinite times instead of dividing it. Boy oh boy, what a journey it has been and the journey has just begun.

Motherhood is truly a defining moment in a woman's life. There can be many defining moments - getting promoted, becoming the president of a country or even building one's own enterprise, but motherhood is something that defines you not for a moment, but for LIFE. Life is transformed when you make decisions not merely for yourself or for your husband but for your mini family and for human beings who are completely dependent on you. Teaching them values, life skills and basic reading and writing is just part of the package together with character development and lots more! The list goes on and on and there is simply no manual or protocol to a child - even the first and second born child can be vastly different and function in different ways.

Each child comes with their own unique personality, I believe from their past deeds in their past lives and we learn how to manage around their innate personalities while weaving in good habits, values and character. This becomes a lifelong journey and a lifelong task and its constantly a work in progress - both for the child as well as for my development as a mother.

Ananya has been an absolute blessing - she is a vivacious child, who is filled with her own unique ideas and loves to solve problems and think out of the box. She loves to do artwork and can turn any recyclable material into her own piece of art. Ananya is compassionate and surprises me with her genuine care and concern for the people around her. She often shows maturity beyond her age and I am so proud of her. No words can describe how I feel about her! 

In any case, my heart has definitely expanded manifold and watching my own flesh and blood growing in front of my eyes makes the pain of labour and the sleepless nights worthwhile! Motherhood cannot be compared with any profession or occupation - it stands on its own and is the most beautiful experience to have. That being said, every mother provides the best for her child and there is simply no comparison with another. 

The first cry of a child

gives birth to a mother

It is a moment of joy and a moment of wonder,

a moment like none other.

The child coos and babbles

in an attempt to communicate,

he or she adapts to the world outside the womb,

a beauty only God can create.

The mother grows together with the child,

learning the ropes and tricks,

She builds the strong foundation of the child,

with love and by carefully placing brick after brick.

Once the foundation is created,

the child grows and develops,

but no matter how old the child gets,

a mother is with him or her through life's bends and slopes.

I big salute to all mothers out there! You are a super human and the best care that your child can get!

The river

It is normal for us as human beings to respond to situations with emotions. When we get slapped in the face, for instance, the urge to return the slap arises almost instantly. Our logical reasoning skills plummet and our rational mind becomes fuzzy. When we act on impulse, a domino ensues where one thing leads to another and strains relationships, our health deteriorates or we lose our mind. This sort of response is highly likely to occur if we live life in a past-paced environment where we do not have time to quieten our mind and think to ourselves. We disregard the fact that we are ultimately human beings and not robots who do not need a break to cleanse ourselves from within. It is then that these negative emotions we exude on a daily basis form an overall negative thinking progress and ultimately a foul attitude towards life and others. We fail to realise that it is in fact ourselves who create this negative nature through repetitive negative thinking.

If we try to slow down our pace of life and take out some time for internalization, this situation can improve significantly. Slowing down means our reaction time gets lengthened and we react on impulse much less. Slowly but surely, the mind starts to take in the situation before us and thinks before we act or speak. It is a gradual process that comes from training the mind through meditation or simply giving some time to ourselves to process information. As this thought process sets in, we start to accept any given situation and think of a logical, practical solution. This is synonymous to two contestants in a boxing, sumo-wrestling or judo competition - they shake hands or bow to each other before engaging in combat. Similarly, if we 'shake hands' with our problems or a situation causing distress, we would be able to gauge it better and we would better know how to handle it as well. That is, without causing any explosion. An explosion would not only hurt the opposite party but us as well; something which we tend to overlook.

Ultimately, we need to remember that life is like a river. Sometimes it flows slowly, sometimes it flows faster; sometimes it dries up while at other times it overflows. Trying to change any given situation and using the 5 W's and 1 H to analyse it is like attempting to dam the river and control it. If we do this, there would be a pressure build-up on the other side, which would cause our health to deteriorate from stress or even create tensions in relationships. 

On the other hand, if we flow with the river, that would lead to us compromising on ourselves. For instance, if someone slaps us, we end up slapping them back. That would be like flowing with the river and thinking that that is the accepted mode of conduct. Similarly, if one thinks that their emotions are valid in a certain situation and stay attached to negative emotions such as hurt or distress, that would be like flowing with the river as well (i.e. letting the situation control you).

The best solution would be to plant our feet firmly in the same position while letting the situation wash past us. In this process, we come into contact with the situation, acknowledge it, accept it and think of a solution so that we can overcome it. In this scenario, we neither try to change the situation nor let it control us.

We stay rooted to the soil and emerge as a lotus from the river.

The Treasures

I am blessed to have people in my life who have never weighed my love, nor questioned my intentions. My friends, my family and now my husband - these people make me complete and enhance the person that I am. They reminded me throughout everything, that I should stop punishing myself for things I cannot change. They reminded me that I deserve to be loved and picked me up when I had fallen. They made me realize that I am strong and brave and have been all along. When I get lost, they act as direction signs to get me back to who I am. This is all because God made it so - He makes sure we go along the right path and sends signals to show that.

If we look long and hard enough, we will come to realize that the answers we look for, are inside us and either loved ones, our own efforts to look inside ourselves or the course of time will bring them out.

I recently read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is a remarkable tale of a young shepherd who has a recurring dream about buried treasures near the Egyptian pyramids. In pursuit of these treasures, he sets off and meets several people along the way who 'guide' him towards the pyramids. Each time, he is faced with stages where he needs to make decisions - whether to sell his sheep, whether to split the treasure, whether to give up and return and so forth. The thoughts are never-ending, but he follows his heart nonetheless. He even sells his beloved sheep. Eventually he reaches the destination, only to discover that his treasures are hidden where he first started off.

This tale spins a truthful picture of how life is in reality. We are sent down to earth with the answers already embedded in each of us and slowly but surely the problems we need to face unravel. But it is a necessary journey - we need to face these and we need to make difficult decisions and take risks along the way to gain that ultimate realization. There is no easy way out. Along the way, one will be judged, ridiculed, misunderstood or slammed down, but those are just tests. We need to focus on our ultimate goal and with a clean conscience and we will reach it as long as we follow our heart (or gut). The journey is to teach us lessons and with each step we will only get closer to God, so that we realize that the treasure was with us all along.

God will see to it and God will catch us when we fall,

and then sudden realization will strike, that we had the answers after all.

Some things are not for sale.

It was a powerful image – a simple action, yet it spoke a million thundering words. The boy – could not be older than four – spat on his palm and then smoothed it over his palms before applying his spit over the desiccated skin on his feet. It was the winter season and it does not help that the humidity of the air had plummeted, subjecting human skin to drying – that is if unprotected by moisturisers and other skin products. This boy had none of such products to protect his skin from the harsh nature of a dry winter. He used what he did have – what God gifted upon us – the human body. But in spite of such conditions, he seemed content.

On the other side of the road lay miles and miles of closely packed huts made of scrap metal, twigs and even flapping pieces of cloth. These slums, mostly illegal, house thousands of people in a small space, leaving each person to approximately a metre-square of space. But one thing, almost misfitting, was the smile on their faces. I turned my face and noticed a passer by, yielding a briefcase and suited-up probably for a meeting, typing on his handheld device with a frown upon his face. Right next to him a man carries a parcel of laundry on his head and smiles at a fellow slum dweller and gives the friendly Indian head wiggle.

Are those who have less material possessions truly the less fortunate? This question pops into my head. I gather images I have seen throughout my life – from village-settings to city-settings and start mentally comparing and contrasting these situations and images. Every thought points to the same answer – material possessions and wealth are not necessarily tied to happiness. Yes, money buys you luxury items and good healthcare, lodgings, food and fulfils every possible desire. But money cannot buy certain intangibles – love, trust, smiles and basically positive affect. It does not necessarily go hand in hand. In fact, the more people have, the less easily satisfied they become and the greater the expectations become of luxury. Definitions morph, priorities change and people start living hollow lives, if they let material possessions get a grip of them.

Then my mind drifted again – perhaps it is not just the money. It becomes a survival of the fittest. City dwellers are so busy climbing ahead of each other that they forget the essence of camaraderie. I have stayed in a village setting or in rural remote areas prior to this and have noticed that people live as a community, not as an individual. Their definition of brothers and sisters is not limited to the four corners of their house but beyond, to the people in houses next to them and basically the entire community. They live as a whole breathing, laughing, loving unit. They may have a dollar note in their pocket instead of wads of thousand dollar notes but they have priceless emotions in their hearts. Their eyes swim with tears of joys rather than hurt and sadness. So who is truly less fortunate here?

Ultimately, no matter which part of the globe we are at or our status of living, we should remind ourselves that we are breathing, feeling humans who are born the same as everyone else. We enter this world with nothing and leave with nothing. We can garner one simple thought on a daily basis which will make miles of a difference in the way we live life – be appreciative for what you have. Always remember that we were all born the same and no one is ‘less fortunate’ than the other. God gives everyone equally – some may attain wealth while others attain unconditional love. Whatever it is, we leave this world with nothing but our deeds – so love your brothers and sisters beyond the four corners of your home. Love cannot be charged to your credit card.

The scales.

When yogis speak of chakras there is always mention of a balance of our energy points. For instance, over-stimulation of our Anahata chakra leads to ego, pride and selfishness. Under-stimulation on the other hand leads to thoughts of hopelessness and despair, while a balance leads to the desired outcome of love, empathy, selflessness and devotion. On a similar note, our body's physiological mechanisms  also revolve around achieving a balance be it controlling our blood glucose content or hormonal secretions. Balancing negatives with positives, yin versus yang; the list goes on.

How much does this balancing act relate to events in our daily life, however? We are often in a limbo between negatives and positive situations in life and whether we choose to gravitate towards the positive end or the negative end of emotions is ultimately up to us. Striking a balance and meeting mid-way is often the way most people go, but to gravitate towards a positive mind-set in spite of being faced with hardships is ultimately the desired outcome. This takes an immense amount of courage and patience as well as faith in God that everything that happens is for the better.

The perspective we choose to garner has a significant impact on whether we choose to smile and welcome whatever knocks on our doors with open arms or frown, sulk or blame ourself or others instead. The former gives us strength like none other to face the negatives, with the knowledge that ultimately the scales will tip in the favour of a positive situation. There is always a silver lining in every cloud and that silver lining is something we may not realize until the time comes. Till then, we should believe that life is a balancing act and we alone can decide which direction to tip the scale in at the end of the day. After all, our perspectives carry a large amount of weight! Our happiness and peace of mind is ultimately in our hands, not in the hands of others or the situation; faith in God goes a long way in ensuring that. 

The plan.

Like being in a trance, sometimes we get tied up emotionally and physically with a certain aspect or situation in our lives so much so that we lose ourselves. We start to do things we never used to do, or lose our identities so that someone else may stay happy while we are subtly hurting ourselves without even realizing it. We start to fit ourselves into a formula, a formula determined by someone else or the situation itself. But is it worth it? By hurting ourselves, we indirectly end up hurting the people who do love you the way you are and never questioned you - family, loved ones and those who held your hand and let you hold theirs whenever they were in trouble.

Any relationship in life ultimately does not rely based on simply what others do for you. A stranger can conduct an act of kindness for another - that does not equate to a life-long bond. Doing something for someone should be like donating blood - anonymous and never asking for anything back in return, even if it means never talking about what you do for others. That is what I was taught as a child - never to speak about what I do for others.

In any case, for a relationship to blossom into something that even diamonds cannot scratch involves more than doing things for someone, it involves understanding that person and allowing that person to be there for you as well, without even having to ask. It involves letting go with the faith that even if someone is away he/she is always there for you. It does not talk about working things a certain way, but accepting whichever way a person works, with no expectations whatsoever. It involves knowing someone even more than they know themselves. It involves giving the benefit of the doubt instead of accusing or cornering or taking hurt and insult onto yourself because you know that person never means to hurt you. It is about knowing that you don't buy a relationship, but you let it develop over time.

It naturally will, that is, if it is meant to. If it is not meant to, even time and trying will not let it develop. If God does not have it in our lifelong plan, then it will not manifest no matter how much one tries. But if it is meant to happen, it blossoms into something so precious and that may take years even decades, but it does if it is meant to. Not by trying but by letting go and letting it develop as it does, naturally. The doors to my heart are always open, in any case.

I am nonetheless thankful for the precious relationships that I have in my life, with family, friends and all my loved ones - these relationships which blossomed and ripened like wine over time have truly brought me to the stage that I am in life and I will be eternally grateful to God for letting these develop as I developed. My friends who literally grew up with me and stood the test of time with me will always be precious to me, friends I met along this journey and who continue to share this journey without ever questioning me will also remain dear to me for they also made room in my heart and of course my family who gave me unconditional love no matter what and the latest addition to my life, my life partner and soul mate, who brings out the best in me.

Above all, a lesson every step in life teaches us is that we need to learn how to let go and take our hands of the control buttons and let nature take its course. Most of all, we need to remember that we can only do much and when we are out of breath or fall in exhaustion emotionally and physically, that only God can show the path. We are nothing but God's servants anyway. Everything in my entire life is in your hands, God. You know me best. 

The amazing maze.

Every time one feels as though one has figured it all out, one just realizes that one is trudging along the wrong path and has to backtrack to one’s drawing board. The road ahead is never as clear cut as the mirage makes it seem. Upon reaching the end of one road, there is another winding path that one has to navigate to reach the other end and this continues till one’s last breath.

Life is like a maze, into which one is thrown into upon birth. In the initial stages, there are road markers and signboards which point towards the directions one could take and the options are scarce so one hardly goes wrong. But as one grows older, the routes available to oneself become plentiful – more doors to unlock, more decisions to make and more paths to choose from. Choosing certain doors may have repercussions one has to face and obstacles one has to overcome. We will never truly solve this maze, but the experiences we acquire along the way will definitely make us stronger to face what is behind the next door. Whatever the next path of road entails, I know I can face it because I have faith that God will only bring forth challenges because God knows I have the capabilities to brave them.

I will forever be thankful and indebted to God for sending me guardian angels in the form of friends and family that help me along this amazing maze and for blessing me with my soul mate who shares this journey with me.

A dusty nickel or token of love.

This short clip really set me thinking. The powerful message serves as a reminder to human beings on earth. This reverberating message is that we may have come alone into this world and will leave alone, but the people we meet along the way will mould our lives, both consciously and subconsciously. Many people may be too preoccupied with their daily routines and humdrum of life that they fail to notice the nuances around them - the tiny gestures that make a whirlpool of a difference. Garnering that realization within ourselves makes us appreciative of every tiny detail and every tiny gesture that may change someone's life forever. We may not realize it at the present moment, but we will realize in the near future that even a single dusty nickel or a lifeless pencil can serve as a turning point in someone's life. Occurrences around us may seem insignificant, but they can become steering wheels for change and improvement. It is through these selfless acts that we can be the oil for the gears in someone’s life and set things into motion. Every tiny act can make a gargantuan difference and can change one’s life forever. As humble servants of God, we should never underestimate the power of unconditional love and the fact that one person CAN indeed make a difference to the world, one human being at a time.

If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that change – Michael Jackson

Two sides of the same, beautiful coin.

He detests most fruits, while she loves them. She loves playing the guitar and singing while he used to bunk music classes. He dances in the shower, while she sings using the shower head as a microphone. Her dancing is abysmal while he takes joy in dancing. She can spend hours reading books, while he falls asleep one page into the novel. He loves swimming and she thrives on yoga. He can eat eggplants like there is no tomorrow, while she squirms at the sight of them. The list goes on.

Opposites attract, according to the 1988 hit by Paula Abdul. This belief has been bolstered by several studies and challenged by a few. A study conducted by the University of Iowa in 2005 claims that similarity in personality was found to more important that other traits such as attitude, religion and values and this forms an everlasting union of two souls. I beg to differ.

My personal take on this matter is that, yes, people who are opposites in their interests may fall for one another. But ultimately, those who are similar in their character and deep-set beliefs will fall for one another and then keep falling for one another for the rest of their lives. It becomes a bond that lasts for life. Once that base is strong, the interests, nuances in daily life as well as idiosyncrasies may be starkly different but they will complement one another in a couple and add that spice to the relationship. After all, two people who are exactly the same will be like bland soup without flavourings.

One may classify someone as having multiple levels of being, but for illustration purposes one may take it as a two-level model. The top level is the conscious level, which includes one’s personality, interests and attitude. These include favourite authors, hobbies and basically one’s idiosyncrasies. The second level is the core of a person, including deep-set beliefs, underlying principles, character and of course, the soul. Matching of the conscious level is not as crucial as the congruency of beliefs at that second level. Someone who is able to match one’s second level of being will be someone who will love you for the rest of your life. If the top level is slightly mismatched, it just adds to the flavour of the relationship.

Marriage is not just a union of two people, but a merging of two souls. It takes understanding from both parties and compromise on tiny aspects to create magic. This is not an overnight event, but one that unfolds over the course of one’s life. Ultimately, if one is able to open one’s heart to possibilities and wholeheartedly accept someone without conditions attached, one would be able to love another and accept the tiny nuances.

Once you find that someone, the heart knows - if you let it know. Partners are made in heaven and delivered to us in packages when we least expect them. Opening them wholeheartedly gives you joy like no other - love, in its purest form. That is, if you choose to have faith.

So yes, opposites can attract when two hearts beat with the same rhythm and two souls understand the depths of each other - it is nothing short of magic.

In the name of God

The sands of time have witnessed the rise of countless numbers of religions worldwide – the rise of belief systems and faiths which guide our actions, conduct, morality and basically our spirituality. Religion can be anything ranging from the established faiths to unofficial religions such as sports or food. It is not uncommon for sportsmen or musicians to label their respective interest a religion. But whichever governing set of belief one has, they strengthen one and ideally make one a better person for oneself and for the world one lives in.

However much the birth of religion has instilled peace and harmony and enlightenment in mankind, religion has also been used as an excuse for committing heinous acts. In fact, the past has seen several ghastly atrocities committed in the name of religion. Often these atrocities are committed not by atheists or agnostics but by people who call themselves God’s servants.

One such example is the Aztec practice of human sacrifice in the 1300s, where about 20,000 people were massacred to appease Gods such as the Sun God, who required a daily “nourishment of blood”. The Roman persecution of Christians by the emperor Nero in 64 AD is another instance of this in history. Christians were rounded up and ordered to be torn apart by dogs or burned alive as human torches, before Christianity was legalised. In the 1950s, members of a sect in India known as the Thungee sect are believed to have strangled a whopping two million people to appease the bloodthirsty goddess Kali.

These are just a handful of the gargantuan numbers of instances in the murky past where heinous acts were conducted in the name of religion, to supposedly appease God. While one may argue that these culprits may have been misinformed or perhaps that the initial stages of establishment may have been shaky, the question arises as to why these atrocities still prevail in the world today. One would think that the development and modernization of the world would allow human beings to make much more educated and informed decisions – but not quite.

Islamic jihads or holy wars which are mandated by the Qur’an have led to the loss of millions of lives over 12 centuries. As Muslim armies spread their faith to India and Morocco, these sects branded other Muslims as infidels and declared jihads against them. The Kharijis battled Sunni rulers; the Azariqis declared death to all “sinners” and their families. Traditionally, jihads have been utilized for one of three purposes – to signify the struggle to maintain faith, to improve the Muslim society or to defend Islam. However, extremists use jihad-ism with an entirely new coat of meaning and interpretation. This extremism manifested itself in the form of the catastrophic September 11 attack, which shook not just North America but the entire world, as well as terrorism in the name of religion. Morphing the interpretation of religious scriptures to support such fallacies has led to the death of millions of innocent people and continues to do so.

Religious discrimination is also not an uncommon sight today, and sadly so. Some people feel that certain religious practices are superior to others and hence worthy of the upper echelons of society. Spreading one’s faith and urging others to convert is commonplace today. For example, the state of Orissa in India was the target of much religious discrimination in the past. Select tribes in Orissa labelled certain people as Panas or untouchables and these were mainly those who had adopted the Christian faith instead of Hinduism.

Evangelism or the communication of the Christian faith to new areas and cultures has also been a target for extremists. An apt example is the longstanding history of the persecution of Jews by Christians which began with the burning of synagogues in the fourth century and led to the numerous killings of Jews who refused to convert to Christianity. Extreme measures such as extermination camps of Jewish communities also transpired during World War II in countries such as Yugoslavia.

It is appalling how religion is used as a scapegoat for such heinous deeds. What is common in all the stated examples is extremism. Religious scriptures or books may have a certain set of teachings but these are often exaggerated or blown out of proportion. People use loop-holes to justify their fallacies and get away with acts like murder. Furthermore, picking and choosing of certain beliefs eventually leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where people choose to believe whatever justifies their own actions. They use a cocktail of beliefs specially tailored to them to go ahead with thinking that what they are doing indeed brings them closer to God, when I think it actually does the opposite.

I do not think any religion, be it the worshipping of a rock or an established religion, would permit the disrespect of a fellow human being or grant the right to tarnish their lives. I do not believe God would permit anyone to hurt another human being, who is also a creation of God, no matter what the reason might be. I do not feel that it is right to use religion as an excuse for any of these deeds because that is a downright insult to God. Last but not the least, I do not think humans should pretend to be God and mess with the lives of others.

Love all; live and let live – that is what religion teaches.

Dear Michael

In my early years as a young child, I still remember vividly how I would grab a bottle of powder, sprinkle some on the floor, slip on a pair of socks and attempt the moonwalk. I tried at it for hours, relentlessly and I still cannot quite master it I would say. I grew up listening to him, on records, then VCRs, then VCDs and tapes and finally DVDs and MP3s. The point I am trying to make is that he has surpassed generations after generations of music and what he gave to the world is unlike any artiste till date. A child today may not know much about Adolph Hitler’s reign or the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. but would definitely know who Michael Jackson was. Alas, his famous moonwalk left generations after generations in a daze, attempting to master the art of moving like him.

It makes me tear talking about him in the past tense and even though two years have passed since his demise, the loss is fresh and reverberates within the capacity of this world. The world has lost not just a world-class artiste but a wonderful human being who leaves behind much to be emulated. The world yearns for more love for others, for selflessness and for unconditional care and concern and MJ was one of the few artistes who went beyond his career to reach out to others. It was not for personal aggrandizement, but for pure love; a rare sight in the world today.

I still remember the events of 25^th of June every so clearly, with the images flashing within my brain like a slideshow – an extremely melancholic one. I still cannot quite digest as to how fortunate I am to have been in the same city as him during his last moments on earth. So near, yet so far. The events had transpired as such:

I was having an early dinner with my friends at a Burger King outlet opposite of the UCLA campus, within stone’s throw from Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Centre. It was then one of my friends received an SMS from someone we knew regarding an incident with MJ and how he was in critical condition or had possible died. Being a huge fan of MJ, I dismissed it as a distasteful joke or a nasty attempt at humour and pushed away the thought. It was then that we heard helicopters and noticed media commotion in the distance through the window pane. My heart plummeted and so did whatever I was holding and we dashed out towards the melee gathered outside the medical centre. With my heart beating wildly in my ribcage and ignoring the media vans lined up alongside the road, I approached someone in the crowd and asked her what was going on. She replied as frantically that MJ had been brought into the hospital earlier in a critical state and could possibly be dead and were waiting for a press release on the outcome. Upon confirming the news, my friend (also an ardent fan) and I just stood there for a couple of minutes, gap-mouthed trying to understand the implications of the whole situation. It did not matter that there was chilly breeze that day and did not matter that the press kept pushing past us, the situation felt surreal. It did not register till much later, that this could indeed be true. As we stood with the hundreds of others, waiting for an announcement, we got interviewed by BBC radio as well. But more than anything what touched me were the hundreds of other fans gathered, grieving together and holding each others’ hands in deep prayer and with apprehensive looks splashed across. Some were crying, some were tense, others were hugging and some praying. It was surreal. But it happened. He was literally footsteps away in his final hours on earth; at a walking distance. I know that what transpires is hardly ever within our control, especially something like that, and so I thank God for the opportunity to have at least been this close to my treasured idol in his last moments on earth (for driving me to go for a summer exchange to UCLA).

Walking home heavy-heartedly back to our apartment in Westwood, Los Angeles, we realized that however grievous the situation was; that he was in a better place. A place without slander, false accusations and law suits and in a place where he was not judged wrongfully and given the due peace he has always deserved.

He was not just an artiste with the voice of an angel; he was a human being with a heart and a yearning to be understood by the world. But the tabloids did not leave him be even till his last breath. Today, I salute MJ for making the world a better place, through his music and the simplest humanitarian acts. He has provided aid to so many charities worldwide; a philanthropist who wanted to make a personal difference to the lives of many. I salute you for the music you passed to generations and generations beyond to appreciate and treasure. I salute you for the dedication towards loving everything around you unconditionally – from animals to nature to children and your peers. I salute you for being a wonderful human being.

If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make that, change ~ Michael Jackson.

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Love you Michael.

yogi-cally speaking.

When one thinks of yoga, immediately images of people twisted in the shapes of pretzels and contorted like twisted long balloons at a circus pop to mind. Highly glamorized today, it has even been linked to hippie culture and the road to the achievement of Zen. But the sands of time have morphed the true meaning of yoga for a large number of people worldwide. The credit goes to movies and television shows which sensationalize this archaic art which dates back to more than 5000 years ago around the Indus Valley.

It is heartening, however, to note that there have been burgeoning numbers of good yogis and trained professionals around the globe. These are individuals who dedicate their lives to truly master this art and not promote it as an alternative for aerobics or gym training. True yoga is not merely about practising different positions or asanas but gaining a control over one’s self in terms of mind, body and soul. Bending one’s legs behind one’s head and propping the body up on one hand is not considered as yoga if one’s mind drifts to something else altogether or if one does not have peace of mind and a soulful connection with the body, for instance.

I went for my first proper yoga class last week and I say proper because the previous aerobics yoga class was far from comparable. The previous class stressed so much on asanas that it eventually felt like an aerobics or gymnastics class more than anything! Every second, the instructor ordered the class to change their position and I found myself in a tangled heap of legs and hands.

This class, however, was drastically different – and in a good way. It stressed on breathing, meditation and using asanas to guide that and achieve a connection between not just the body parts but the soul. Starting off as a beginner, I was initially apprehensive about my having to compete with A-type personalities who would jeer at you if you are unable to perform up to par. But to my relief, the class comprised of individuals who were all there for one purpose – to practice good yoga and to heal through yoga. I got assimilated into the serene environment in almost no time; with the calm voice of the yogi conducting the class and the gentle sound of nature from the CD-player in the corner of the room. Albeit small, the room had a comfort of its own and I grew less aware of my lack of flexibility and concentrated on my internal self.

The yogi is Chinese but has a Sanskrit name Shukla; and I deeply salute her dedication towards yoga. She has been practising for 7 years till date. She stressed on how yoga is not merely about asanas but about having a certain lifestyle and way of living and I immediately thought about my previous class which taught the absolute opposite and smiled to myself. I made a sound decision to trust my gut instinct and sign up for this class and hope that I can truly embrace this yoga lifestyle in its entirety. Though I probably would not be able to twist myself into a pretzel anytime soon!

Tie a yellow ribbon round the ole oak tree.

We live not in a static world, but one that fluctuates in tandem with time. One which evolves, with huts being bulldozed away to make way for skyscrapers, where older politicians get replaced by new ones adorning sparkly shoes and well-tailored coats, where generations get replaced by new generations. We live in a world that is constantly changing inevitably and surely with each tick of the second hand on the face of a clock.

With physical changes, it is almost necessary to change mindsets and reservations we may have and to adapt to the novel environment around us. Take for example Facebook, the social network that was brought social interaction to the next level. While the younger generation may breathe, eat and sleep Facebook, the older generations may feel phased out and even obsolete, that is if they decide to remain static. Keeping an open mind, however allows them to embrace this new culture albeit with a pinch of salt and stay relevant to the youths of today, perhaps to even understand their own children better. This may apply to an assortment of things – from technology to brands to even the pop icons of today!

Changing our mindset with time and constantly bettering ourselves is not just crucial to stay relevant but also in terms of how we accept the world around us. We can either fight change or swallow the bitter pill and honestly speaking, the latter is much less catastrophic. As human beings we do not have the capacity to fight change, to deny it or even insist that certain things are supposed to be sacrosanct. Nothing is sacrosanct. So we adjust ourselves to the novel situations and go with the flow, without wishing the past would reprise.

Changes aside, human beings are ever so comparable to a tree. We start off, with our foundations (the roots) before we branch out and reach the rest of the world through our actions and words (the shoots) and benefit the world in any way we can (through fruits and flowers) and eventually we give rise to new generations to take over our place (through seeds). I think before the entire process of life unfolds before us and before we are subjected to this ever-changing world, the foundations are extremely important. These comprise our values, our morals and our utmost connection with God. If these are compromised in any way, whether one has shoots or flowers or fruits does not matter at the end of the day. The most important issue is whether the base is stable, because if it is not, a gust of wind may topple the entire tree over, regardless of how much it has given to the world. The ultimate goal is ultimately to reach a stage where we are deeply rooted (pun intended) in our belief systems for ourselves before we branch out to reach others and before we branch out into the evolving world. But of course, while maintaining a feedback system to continually renew and better oneself and replace old roots as well those getting ebbed away by termites. One should always embrace change but stay grounded in (good) values at the end of the day and make sure the oak grows deep into the ground before it gives back to the world and embraces changes over years and years to come!

Memoirs of a lab rat.

As honours year draws to an end, a mixture of emotions well up within me. This has by far been one of the most trying years of my University life – physically and mentally. Whatever it may be, subsequently tiding over the bad moments allows one to come out more polished and undeniably stronger. After all, even a piece of coal requires years of pressure and harsh conditions to emerge in the form of a diamond – nature says it all.

Being my first research experience proper, I was initially highly apprehensive about what to expect from a research lab. Being the bottommost rung of the ladder (below the phD and masters students), it was harsh, often painful. As with every organisational structure, the bottommost rung inevitably gets stepped on and treated unjustly. It was then I realised that lab dynamics were far from an easy game. In lab you need to prove yourself in terms of your capabilities, your passion and your drive. Many a times, the harsh treatment chipped at me (because I wear my heart on my sleeve), but I never held grudges. If I had, I would not be standing here today, appreciative of every single person in lab. In one way or another, each of these people has played a role in making a difference to my life – be it via hurtful remarks or kind words. And each of these people was sent by God for some purpose.

It was all worthwhile at the end of the day – skipping meals, the late nights at lab alone, the minor accidents (I am thankful I have not grown an extra toe yet), the eye strain, the backaches, the harsh comments; the list goes on. But I am also deeply appreciative of the people I came to know and the quirky incidents every now and then which made my day. As a whole package, this has been one rollercoaster ride of emotions which remain forever etched in my brain.

Thorns among the roses

Valentine’s day is around the corner and soon enough the streets will be bustling with bouquets of lilies, roses and all sorts of blooms. Romantics at heart will declare their love and commitment for their significant others and the famous winged cupid will shoot arrows in all directions, in hope of finding a target. Men will kneel in front of those they wish to spend the rest of their lives with, holding a box with a gem like none other. Flower shops and chocolate confectionaries will welcome the hordes of orders (and the greens) with open arms and the atmosphere will flourish with the sweet smell of love. This is undoubtedly, the ideal situation.

Love is a subjective matter indeed. What may be of absolute importance to one in a significant other may be entirely different from the expectations of another. The feeling of love may be consistent across the globe, but the means of expressing it may be tweaked. Some experience it without saying a word, while others need dramatic entrances and bouquets of flowers. Some hold another’s hand without a question of doubt in their eyes, while others need explanations and open gestures. The meaning, however, remains the same and tugs at the same heart strings, making the heart beat to another’s name. Yes, you may label me a hopeless romantic. But I think loving someone should be void of anything that can taint it – expectations, distrust, disloyalty and the likes. Even if one party does not express it extravagantly, it strums your heart’s strings to a melodious tune.

Over here, I do not speak of merely love between a man and a woman, or significant others. I speak of love in all forms – love for people you do not know, love for relatives, love for friends and most of all love for God. There are several times when unconditional love becomes extremely difficult as situations in life get you entangled in a series of thoughts. But letting go of these and accepting another in spite of their imperfections can truly allow one to unconditionally love another. After all, even a rose has thorns. Nature speaks for itself.

So embrace your neighbour, embrace your friends, embrace your loved ones and embrace yourself. Because if you do not love yourself to begin with; it becomes difficult for people to love you. And most importantly, embrace love, in its purest form, untainted by jealousy, greed and other emotions which raise doubt. Extend your arms and embrace that rose in its entirety - thorns or not.

una canción preciosa

Only Hope, From A Walk to Remember - one of the most beautiful songs ever written and one of the most beautiful movies ever made.

There's a song that's inside of my soul.

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Unconditional love is difficult to achieve, but never impossible. One that does not have strings attached, one that is void of expectations. One that is built on strong faith that radiates from within and gives, without asking for anything back in return. Something which makes us truly happy not just on the outside but from within. And so I lift my hands and pray.

someone changed the sign boards.

This is absurd and completely flabbergasting. Change is inevitable - it is part and parcel of our daily life, but this change that has taken the world by storm and left millions in an identity crisis. A 13th zodiac sign has left people in a whirlpool of confusion. Those who strongly believe in astrology probably have to chuck aside books and artefacts belonging to the zodiac sign they once held to as a component of their identities. What we seemed to believe over the years has to be scraped and thrown into the garbage chute. That is, if we choose to believe what astrologer Marcie McCaffery is uttering.

Zodiac signs represent constellations that cross the sun's ecliptic or path over the span of a year. In total there were 12 of these, but recent discoveries point towards an additional constellation - Orphiucus. Little is known about this newly introduced zodiac sign but it is located to the east of Scorpius and to the west of Sagittarius. It is said to be represented by a man grasping a serpent, dividing it into two parts and is the only sign linked to a real man. The new breakdown as reported is shown below.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11 - April 18
Aries: April 18 - May 13
Taurus: May 13 - June 21
Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 - Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 - Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 - 29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 - Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 - Jan. 20

Now the decision lies with us, whether we would like to believe in this tale being churned out. Whether this is fact or fiction remains to be decided. But millions have been confounded by this shocking new revelation. Only time will tell whether people will embrace this and whether this turns the tables or changes anything is another matter. Does this change the person we are and do these signs actually depict our personality traits? This is a highly subjective matter and I for one do not feel that these demonstrate how we think, respond, interact and behave as individuals. It should not. The question at hand is how invested are we in our zodiac signs at the end of the day and whether this comes across as fact or fiction. I refuse to budge from being a sagittarian. I cannot be a Scorpion - am far from one. Meanwhile, denial it is.

chapter 1: A new beginning, or maybe not.

The boat started to sink, ever so steadily. She knew how to swim and yet she couldn’t; her arms and legs were frozen. She tried to call for help, but nothing but a whisper escaped her mouth. It sank with her into the dark waters. She saw figures floating around. Figures of people she thought she knew. She could not breathe; she held her breath until she could no longer do so. She could not hold on much longer, she felt her lungs compressing. Her screams reverberated in her head, growing louder and louder and louder still.

With a jolt she woke up on her queen-sized bed, gasping for air with her forehead damp with perspiration. She swiped at her forehead wiping it and sat upright for some time, calming herself down from the horrific episode. She had been having these disturbing images while in deep sleep a couple of times now, often waking up, panting. It was especially bad after she lost Nathan, her husband of 6 years, a couple of months ago. It seems as though the mental wounds and psychological wounds never managed to fully heal, together with her aching heart. Pouring herself a glass of water from the bottle by the bedroom lamp, she steadied herself and reminded herself it was not real; it was a mere figment of her imagination, as she guzzled the cooling liquid.

Her alarm rang and she hit the top button. It was 7am. Her biological clock had gotten so accustomed to the time that she barely needed to rely on her alarm clock; she would wake up a minute or two beforehand. But she set it anyway, for precautionary measure. She placed the glass down and swung her legs off the bed to get up. Walking to the full length mirror she ran her fingers through her short, springy auburn curls. At thirty one, Catalina Rose Valdez had not aged one second. She could still pass off as a woman in her early twenties. She barely wore make up, save for occasion powder and blush. Alas, she did not need to, because her natural beauty spoke for itself. Her well-chiselled nose, almond-shaped hazel eyes and auburn curls were sufficient to make heads turn as she walked the streets.

Catalina grew up under the guidance of her grandmother, who she loved dearly, never knowing who her biological parents were. They had left her at her grandmother’s doorstep and Catalina never bothered to trace them down because her grandmother never made her feel as though she was alone in the world. Her grandmother claimed that the moment she laid her eyes on her, her heart sank at the act at her parents had performed, but she wholeheartedly accepted the bundle of joy. The moment she stared into her hazel eyes, she got reminded of an angel, and hence named her Catalina, which was Spanish for Aikaterine, the greek term for ‘pure’. Catalina called her grandmother abuelita , an affectionate term for grandmother, in Spanish.

Having spent her childhood and teenage years in Salamanca, a city in Western Spain, she was fluent in her mother tongue, or what she would rather call, grandmother tongue, Spanish but her English was never compromised. She studied in a catholic school and grew up with a passion for history, mythology and ancient civilisations. After all, Salamanca was so rich in culture and heritage that it was declared by UNESCO as a world heritage site in 1988. She loved the way things developed and evolved and civilisations grew and got erased from the surface of the earth. When Catalina passed her eighteenth, her grandmother passed on from old age, leaving her what hard-earned money she had from selling self-woven hats. Her grandmother was a breast cancer survivor and gave others with that incurable disease the faith to live. She was a strong woman. Catalina was deeply shattered by the loss of her confidante, her guidance and her pillar of support and was left with no choice but to travel to the states to live with her distant aunt, who she did not even know how she was related to.

In the present day, Catalina freshened up and walked to her kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She felt as though she was shedding weight by the kilos and needed some carbohydrate. Switching on the coffee machine, she scooped in a few spoonfuls of her favourite Arabica coffee beans and dropped two toasts into the toaster and went back to reminiscing. Her so-called aunt Muriel had accepted her into her abode in Los Angeles, near Westwood village, albeit unwillingly. She could sense it from her sourness-laden voice and the way her lips would scrunch up into a frown every time Catalina walked in. Catalina merely shrugged it off, though she felt the pang in her heart every time she thought of her late albuelita. It was then that Catalina decided to study what she was passionate about, history, with a second major in mythology at the University of Los Angeles, California (UCLA). She knew her albuelita would be proud, watching over her from the heavens. The college was a stone’s throw away from Aunt Muriel’s house.

Spreading marmalade on her toast she threw a glance over at the easel next to the couch. Resting on it was a canvas block with a portrait of her late husband Nathan Smith painted onto it using Acrylic paint. She loved painting as it helped her go into pensive and put things into perspective. She dreadfully missed Nathan and she remembered his face all too clearly. His dimpled smile, his wavy dark brown hair, his well-chiselled jaw line and his twinkling eyes which lit up when he spoke of what he loved. She smiled wistfully as she recollected the day she met Nathan at UCLA. He was three years her senior and was majoring in forensic science and did a minor in mythology. They met at mythology lectures, sharing a common interest. They would study together at the Powell library on campus and have long chats in the cafeteria with scoopfuls of Baskin-Robins and occasionally do crosswords together. Chocolate chip cookie dough was their favourite. As the quarterback of the university American football team, he was popular, yet down to earth and had his eyes set on no one but Catalina.

After graduating, Nathan joined the Los Angeles Police Department, to become an LAPD officer. He had always wanted to serve the society, wanted to replace the bad with good, wanted to instill peace in the neighbourhood. A humanitarian, he always served when he could, be it at charity organisations or fundraisers. As an LAPD officer, he stuck firmly to his duty and was always ready to serve. He wore his badge with pride and Catalina wore him as a badge with pride. When Catalina was in her final year, Nathan proposed to her in his uniform in the middle of a luscious field on campus. He knelt down on a knee and pulled out a velvety red box which drew Catalina’s breath away and when she saw the ring she nodded without him having to utter a single word. They got engaged then and married the next day at a small catholic church. Catalina used to tease him, saying that his surname, Smith, did not go well with her first and middle names and Nathan used to reply cheekily that if that was the case, he would change it the next day to what she deemed fit.

After they tied the knot, Catalina shifted out of Aunt Muriel’s house, kissed her goodbye on the cheeks, hugged her one last time and thanked her for everything before moving into Nathan’s house. They built a home together and he urged her to follow her dreams. Upon graduating she decided to contribute back to her alma mater and teach what she loved. He believed in her and that made her believe in her capabilities. He used to joke that she would make a fabulous female president if she wanted to. Now he was gone, she thought to herself as tears filled her eyes. She wiped away her tears as they trickled down her cheek and ate what she could of her breakfast. She poured her coffee into a thermos flask and collected the notes which she burnt the midnight oil drafting. World history: a spotlight on Europe. She gathered her papers and carefully inserted them into her briefcase, which usually rested at a permanent spot on her couch. Throwing on a shirt and a pleated skirt, she took one final glance at her reflection and tried to muster a smile and she ran her fingers through her curls. She could do this - her first lecture for the semester. Although she was one of the youngest teaching staffs, she was well-revered by her colleagues and students.

Collecting her briefcase and thermos and swinging her handbag over her right shoulder she took one final glance around her apartment and left her flat, locking behind herself. She heard the joyful bark of her neighbour’s dog Powter as it pawed at her skirt until she delivered a pat to his head. The fox terrier was being taken for a morning walk by the neighbour living across her, Maurice, the sweetest sixty year old lady she ever knew. She knew she could never replace her albuelita but she deeply respected her and since she had been widowed at a young age, they could empathize with one another. She had only Powter and Catalina in her life and she loved Catalina like a daughter she never had. She smiled broadly as she saw Catalina and asked her to come over for some sponge cake and Himalayan tea, her speciality, in the afternoon. Catalina nodded and smiled back as she bade goodbye. ‘Hasta pronto see you soon’, she uttered.

The class was larger than she had expected, but the moment she entered and saw eager faces smiling back at her, she felt herself ease and introduced herself as Catalina Rose Smith. And so it begins, she thought to herself, as she smiled both internally and externally.

In a distant part of downtown Los Angeles they slapped him hard across his face. He was gagged and tied to a structure and looked like he had aged by decades. The light above his head swung precariously. He sat defeated and without an ounce of energy within him to struggle any longer. The figures in front of him snorted and spat distastefully on his face. He thought this was one of his better treatments he had gotten. In the pale light, red slashes of blood and gashes could be seen across his face, arms and body, some fresh, some dried. They ungagged him momentarily to force water down his throat and when they untied the cloth, he begged, ‘please, let me go. My wife needs me. He’s free now, what do you need. I’ll give you what you need. You already killed my son. Please let me go. Please.’ It hurt for him to talk, it hurt for him to move but nothing hurted like the pain inside of him. One of the figures laughed as he barked back ‘she thinks you’re dead. She thinks you’re gone. It’s over.’ He glanced over at the other figure as they laughed silently and gagged him back.